We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

FPS: Every (Straight) Man’s Dream Game

The F(irst) P(erson) S(queezer) is a revolutionary new concept that game developers should jump on. Though the concept might seem a bit left field, its familiarity to veteran gamers and its appeal to the base instincts of the masses means that profitability is guaranteed!

Of course, you dual wield your hands.

This game will involve reaching out and touching someone, to be specific, grabbing a handful of “tetas” for various kinds of achievements. This game should also come with a perk system á la Modern Warfare 2 but with a few tweaks.


For those out to grab the maximum boobage, their ideal perk system would be:

  1. Marathon,
  2. Lightweight, and
  3. Commando

This combination allows for maximum (over)reach, with the all the NPC/multiplayer chest meat at risk of the player’s mitts.


Another awe-inspiring perk combo is:

  1. Sleight of Hand,
  2. Stopping Power, and
  3. Ninja

This allows for optimum feeling out of the target while still allowing the player the option to get away unscathed.

Don't you just want to grab these melons?

For the enjoyment of people of all ages, please lobby your nearest game developer to work on this, NOW!

PS: I get a cut of all the proceeds from the sales of this game. 95% sounds fair.


2 responses

  1. Just_a_Human

    i bet men will eventually evolve into beings with palms on their chest 😀 Then every hug will be be like “heaven”

    December 2, 2010 at 5:27 am

    • Aggrey

      Either that, or will grow prehensile man-boobs.

      December 2, 2010 at 12:55 pm

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