The Manliest Man Crush
I apologise in advance for being pic- and link-happy in this post (more than usual anyway).
With the balls to not say #nohomo, I am about to completely hug the nuts of arguably one of the most dangerous men on the planet. If I was a girl, the picture of this man would be tattooed on my lower back. If he propositioned me, there is no way in hell that I would refuse (mostly because it’s like refusing to let Superman have sex with you).
This god of a man I’m talking about is “The Demolition Man”, “Ubereem” Alistair Overeem. This specimen is, as stated by Cracked.com’s Seanbaby, “Dutch kickboxer who looks like someone at Marvel comics drew a man genetically engineered to fuck your girlfriend.” He holds three belts in two different sports, being the first fighter in history to hold titles in both MMA and K-1 kickboxing.
Or maybe you need a pic of him in his true element
More on the man crush of my life/the moment after the jump.
Manufactured by Holland in 1980, his training in the sacred arts of tearing grown men limb from from began when he was 15. At 19 yrs of age, I was busy getting an International (for what that’s worth) Computer Driving Licence. Ubereem? He was beating his first legally sanctioned victim by daring him to breathe.
His knees, when not being used to crack open people’s skulls and explode their organs, are used to test the durability of tank armor. Coming from the Land of Death Kicks, more than once he has stopped grown men with kicks to the body. Once again, in the wise words of Seanbaby, “Most people reading have taken a body shot or had the wind knocked out of them. But what many people don’t understand is what it’s like to get hit in the liver. It’s the liver’s job to filter toxins out of your body. And when somebody’s left hand or foot slams into it, it’s like every cocktail you ever drank, every poisonous insect that crawled in your mouth while you slept… they’re all released back into your body at the same time. The end result is a lot like getting knocked out, only you’re awake for it.” And he has made a living out of doing this.
His most celebrated accomplishment so far has becoming the K-1 World Grand Prix Champion. 16 of thee baddest motha-shutyourmouths on the planet are chosen, defined by the amount of ass they have kicked over the previous year. After being paired off and fighting against each other, the winners all come together in one night to see if it’s possible to shift tectonics by punching and kicking each other in an elimination kickboxing tournament. Overeem won the title by managing to beat the bejeezus! out of Tyrone Spong, Gokhan Saki(by first round TKO due to injury, breaking Saki’s right arm with a hard left kick) and Peter Aerts three of the kind of men you thank [insert personal deity here] for having the good fortune of not pissing off.
But apart from killing grown men, in his free time,
he also enjoys assaulting those of the feminine species of all ages. And really, who can’t appreciate that sort of fairness when it comes to destroying the entire human race.
And to top it all off, this guy is actually fascinated by the culture of Nippon. For an admitted Japanophile, this is just a dream come true. From combat sports website Sherdog’s feature piece on The Reem,
Maybe I can be his boy slave as he travels to Japan for his K-1 fights. He might even be kind enough to throw one of his many fans my way.
If it’s not clear yet, I am in L.O.V.E with this man. The physique of a god, the destructive power of a hydrogen bomb and the pimp game of Shaft, there is not a single thing that is not to be worshipped about Ubereem.
Just to show more nut-huggery, here’s some more pictures of Overeem doing what he does best, being the leading cause of dementia pugilistica (the main reason why Muhammad Ali has Parkinson’s.) And a link to his site TheReem.com.