Resolutions vs Revolutions.
Year after year people around the world make resolutions to better themselves for the new year and become better people in general. In my opinion, i’ve done way to much changing and everything isnt all perfect and acceptable yet. After much reflection it has become exceedingly obvious that i am clearly not the problem here. It must be everybody else! Ive done enough changing, its about time YOU people started pulling some weight around here. Your resolutions clearly aren’t circled around what’s important on this planet….namely, me.
So i have taken the liberty of making some new years resolutions for some of you.
1) Dear Hogwarts administration.
Your New Years resolution this year should obviously be to sit down and write this letter:
We deeply apologize for overlooking your considerable talents for all these years. Dumbledore was an old man who despite what you may have heard took bribes from some students in exchange for admission. I hesitate to mention names (cough! cough! Neville) but some student clearly did not show the sheer amount of talent you clearly possess.African climate also had its toll on our owls and many promising students were left out of reach. However, the opening of the new campus, Hogwarts University, would be empty without your presence.
2) Dear Morpheus
This year you will get off your lazy ass, wear your leather coat and physics defying glasses, lug that red leather chair of yours to kenya and offer me a red and blue pill informing me that i am “the one.” Destined to save mankind. You must do this personally. The last representative you sent gave me two pills, i took one….and woke up in a bath tub full of ice without one of my kidneys.
3) As for the rest of you muggle, imprisoned by computers humans. Your goal is simple as can be so i dont understand why you are still failing. why am i not world leader yet? All you have to do, is vote on it. Its right there on the ballot, next to those three sixes and inverted goat head over there. Its not that hard to find.