We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Men and boobies.

For the first time in a very long while, I’m actually speechless. This is just those kinda topics that are washaing me like an itch in one’s butt crack, but you don’t even know where to start, like said itch in one’s butt crack.

So, men and boobies. Question: what is the big deal?

I know Pervy Perv is going to probably close this page when he reads this line, but I just don’t understand what’s with dudes and boobs. What is the fascination with them? I asked this once (to Pervy Perv. This tends to be his area of expertise, hence why he’s called Pervy Perv) and he gave your typical geek answer: Science.

Apparently, according to science, men tend to gravitate more to women with big boobs because it shows that they have high fertility rates therefore then the men can trust that said women will take care of their kids well. (For more information on this, ask PervyPerv.)

Well, there may or may not be some truth to that. My mum has 8 kids, and my grandma had (has…? some of them passed on) 11, my sis got a set of twins on her first birth and, well, yeah, all of em have big boobs. They claim they even got bigger after kids. Something about breastfeeding and boobs expanding. Wasn’t really paying attention to those vybes.

Now, I’m still not satisfied with that answer. All the guys I hang out with are always ogling my boobs. Okay, not always, but whenever they see me, they have to make some lewd comment to me about my boobs. Perv Minion, in fact, always has the gall to stare down my top. He does it so often, it’s a standard part of our interactions. I’ve zoead it so much, mpaka once when he pelekad me to the stage, and stared down my top (again), and I ingiad the mat, the mama sitting next to me was like “excuse me,I think that guy was staring down your top.” I looked at her and nonchalantly waving my hand said, “Who, him? Yeah, I know. It’s a kawa thing. No biggie.”

To say the chiq was shocked would be an understatement. That very incident also gives credence to my assessment that I’ve become soft, at least where my friends are concerned. Either that, or I stopped giving a fuck. Probably the former. Yeah, the former.

Back to the question at hand. What is men’s fascination with boobies? Me that science answer just isn’t enough for me. I need something more…understandable…? Yeah. I need something that I, as a chiq, can relate to.

Oh, and it also doesn’t explain why some men can’t stand fake boobs and others just don’t care, though it does explain why mamas go out and have silicone shoved up their chests. I mean, if that big boobs theory was actually right, then no man would be picky about whether some chiq went and got implants or not, right?

Anyway, clearly it’s not in my place to say anything. Ebu you men talk to me. What’s the big deal with boobies?

 

PS on a very, very different note altogether, what the hell are you guys posting and not posting on this blog? Akina twin, Perv Minion, Cass, Adam…get your lazy asses to a cyber or wherever the hell you’ll get internet from and post on the freaking blog, ala. Ya’ll know very well Kevo is just gonna mess with people’s brains and Pervy Perv is just gonna traumatise people on here. You children are really joking with life, ne? You have no shame. *mscheeeeeeeeeew!!*

 

PSS Yes. I was indeed extremely bored and had absolutely nothing of (relative) substance to post. Deal with it.

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8 responses

  1. Aggrey

    Are you saying that women can’t understand science? Tsk tsk tsk. How self-hating of your gender!

    January 15, 2011 at 2:36 am

    • Idiot.

      I’m saying that I don’t want a science-y answer.

      January 17, 2011 at 11:31 am

  2. cosign i also want to know.

    January 16, 2011 at 12:29 pm

  3. gachagua

    wait…wait…wait…did you just accuse ME of messing with peoples brains. Please, dont insult me, im an artist; i do not “mess” with peoples brains (except on Tuesdays when i hang with Hannibal Lecter and thats more of a literal kinda thingie anyway)what i do is the noble art of Fei Kun, which translates to drive people into mental homes. Much more noble, do you know how many jobs ive created in the mental institution business?

    as for your post, think of it this way (putting pervy dee and pervy dum aside) “why do you like [insert male trait you find attractive here].” yes…i did just answer your question with a question. New hobby.

    January 16, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    • Kevo, you mess with people’s brains. Stop tryna sound all philosophical and smart.

      Stop answering questions with questions. This ain’t no mind-game.

      January 17, 2011 at 11:33 am

  4. BooBie Love! #enoughsaid

    January 19, 2011 at 3:35 pm

  5. Dr Moriarty

    This is going to be postsimply because am a big fan and also because news of the fullness of your breast transverses the interwebs even to the dry megabytes of capua where I hail from.

    FACTS ABOUTS BOOBIES

    In Hong Kong, you can get a degree in Bra Studies from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University where they teach you how to design and build a bra…Question: Are the Chinese, ever in the history of being wrong, been wrong? I didn’t think think so.

    A study supposedly published in the New England Journal of Medicine said that staring at women’s breasts for just 10 minutes a day can improve a man’s health and add four to five years to his life.<<<so it's only apprapriate to say
    *sunglasses*
    Long live perv minion.

    And lastly, a poem, coz I can copy paste the shit out of the internet.

    Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
    Mine just stay still in one place
    In the breast hall of fame
    You won't see my name
    For my boobs there would be a disgrace

    Sure boobs of my size have their merit
    They're easy to fit with a bra
    And when I go for a dip
    You won't see one slip…out
    They stay put…just where they are

    And I'm not one to seek much attention
    So you won't find me strutting about
    In a boob tube that's trying
    by gravity defying
    to leave no room, not even for doubt

    But I sure envy big breasted women
    I've seen them at parties you know
    With all confidence thrust
    In their mighty big bust
    Entrancing the men as they go

    Though I've heard from a big bosomed buddy
    That it's not all it's cracked up to be
    She says in frustration
    "Try to hold conversation
    When there's only two things a guy sees"

    Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
    To, say thirty-six b or c
    Would they still look so natural
    And could I class them as collateral
    Sorta like home improvements on me

    Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
    I've done quite a bit of research
    As I try to keep abreast
    In my mammary quest
    I've found there's a bit to be learned

    There's questions that need to be answered
    Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
    I can have nipples bigger
    But somehow I figured
    That could poke Sweetie's eye in his sleep

    Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
    I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
    On the beach I would run
    In slow motion for fun
    To show off my best attribute

    Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
    There's much I'd aspire to do
    I could feed many babies
    When I was lactating
    And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru

    In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
    They could 'see' if they had it too low
    And if I stood outside
    My breasts pumped up with pride
    Police'd use me to stop traffic flow

    Well you can see I've a lot to consider
    For the big plunge, I need some more time
    So I'll keep you updated
    But for now they're just fated
    To stay as they are for a while

    And there's my sweetie who totally accepts me
    For he loves each and every little…bit
    He says "stay as you are
    You're the most beautiful by far"
    As he gazes into my eyes…not my tits

    A truth I have learned about life…if it rhymes honey, it's the damn truth. Except the last part. If he stares into the eyes and not the breasts…he just Edward Cullen'd five years from his life…that means he gayed it out btw.

    Last fact.

    Breats are like meat you don't have to swallow…you just get the sweet juiciness out of those suckers and spit them right back onto the plate.

    March 2, 2011 at 10:41 am

    • LMFAO!!! you’ve WON!!!

      ANd yes, my boobs do tend to travel fast along the interwebs, don’t they? *sigh*

      March 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm

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