Winners and Losers of Valentine’s Day
It’s Feb. 14th , Valentine’s day, and like any day with an event I believe there are always winners and losers to be found. Following this point, wherever there are winners and losers, a list must be made in order to congratulate the winners, as if they didn’t have enough to celebrate about, and point out the losers and give them further reason to keep buying emo rock music and keep those bands working (it helps the economy).
And so, at long last, I have organized the list and put forth my questionable art skills to bring you: “The First Ever, Top 3 winners and losers of Valentine’s day”:
At no 3 we have *drumroll*:
Valentines day isn’t called the girls-get-their-way-day for nothing. All evidence would suggest this day was created or perhaps taken over by women. A day where men are expected to be nice, romantic and buy stuff…or else! The point being “lots of stuff.”
The color red:
Edging out the competition, this is without a doubt, the color reds day to shine. On all other days, red means “stop” , “danger” “the politically correct name for the race of that guy who lives in hell as opposed to the ‘D’ word.” On this day however, red is good and its everywhere.
The number 1 winner is without a doubt, :
Willy Wonka and buddies:
Willy wonka and his chocolate making cronies take the day with enough chocolate sold to constitute to the return of slavery. (see what I did there…chocolate…sold….oh come on, you know you chuckled.)
At no. 3 we have …..
Valentines day was situated right in the middle of the month, just far enough away from you last pay check and quite sometime to your next one. A high cost day designed to make men suffer. You have to spend the rest of the month broke and act nice about it for a whole day. (bonus winner: Black market organ collectors)
The number 2 loser is…..
Just standing around, moving with the wind, the usual flower regimen then suddenly…..SOMEONE CUTS THEM OFF AT THE ABDOMEN. Talk about a bad day
The winning loser of valentines day….coming as a surprise to all
Girls…or more specifically post valentine girls:
The allure of expensive meals and military bases worth of chocolate mixed with the euphoria of the day is enough t o make most girls forget they have a limited body capacity. (bonus winner: Gym owners: Little known fact, the last half of February sees the highest gym subscription from the female demographic)