We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing


Some of you have been asking me why I’m not blogging. Simple enough question, simple answer; I’ve been at war. That’s right. Your ever dedicated blogger has been through a battlefield set to test men’s souls. Just one man against many, losing blood with enemies falling dead at my feet. Epic stuff. It doesn’t help that my enemies have air strike advantage, so I had to impose my own little, no fly zone.

I should probably take a pause here to bring you up to speed. My enemies, the flying harbingers of death and blood thirsty nocturnal guerilla rebels whom the latin called the Culicidae, known to many by the more common name…mosquitoes.
They showed up one day in huge numbers. An overwhelming force.

And so I needed a weapon. Something to combat them easily, and that nakumatt salesman is one sly bastard. He knew how to get my interest. The phrase “it works just like a force field” has been proven to sucker people like me into buying stupid crap. In this case, it was partially true. I found myself in possession of this device.

And it worked just like he said. I was invincible. For 3 days I was free of mosquitoes. Then I realized theres something he didn’t tell me. See, this clever little gadget doesn’t actually kill the creatures. It temporarily paralyzes them. For those farsighted among you, you can guess what happened. For the rest of you, ill spell it out…K-P-L-C.

See, the mosquitoes didn’t die. I had three days worth of pissed off mosquitoes craving for payback. Some who hadn’t had a decent meal (ie ME) for three straight days. I was, admittedly foolishly, facebooking on my phone shining the only light in the room right into my face.

As for what happened next…its safe to say I may have lost weight on blood loss alone. Conclusion? Stick to old school methods.


3 responses

  1. Ben

    this negro win the bonkers as fuck award
    In related news, two shots of Zappa in a glass, light it and let it burn till it’s out…the room will be hot as hell when that’s over but the mosquitoes will be as dead as Voldemort, or they will mutate. Upside is as long as you’re breathing that air you sleep high.

    April 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm

  2. eeeeehhhhh, sooooooo, what’s with the matrix picture?

    April 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    • gachagua

      Im neo, but i dont stop bullets….i stop mosquitoes 😀

      April 20, 2011 at 3:00 pm

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