Trauma of The Parental Kind
HORROR! MY EYES! OH IF ONLY I WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO EXPLORE MY BRAIN WITH A SERVING SPOON!
To let you all into my secret world of despair, I just saw my folks/parents/progenitors have sex.
I’ll let that stew for a moment.
And not in the classic “walk in on them mashing privates together” way of psychological trauma. It’s with hard digital evidence that will refuse to be washed away in cleansing torrent of holy water.
Now that you hate your imagination (and me), here are the details.
With my dad’s laptop in hand, I had been given the task of updating it. And like any normal idiot, it was time to go digging deep for digging’s sake. Alright, I was looking for porn! Happy?
Unfortunately I was a bit too successful.
Stumbling on a folder hidden oh so far away in the Videos folder. With rabid penis-driven eagerness, I jumped into quickly and sampling every clip in the folder.
And suddenly you see a home video of 2 people humping, with all the hallmarks of amateur work ringing out loud, that being grainy video, radio blaring in the background. Then after minutes of vigorous pumping and moaning, the guy gets up and goes to turn off the camera and whose face comes into view but my old man’s.
That’s quite horrible, to say the least. 3 guesses who the other party was. Hint: I used to fit in her birth canal.
What would only make this worse was if I had been furiously beating the meat when the big reveal occurred. Well, not being one to disappoint, that was exactly what I had been doing. God is such a funny fuck, isn’t he/she/it/whatever?
Needless to say, I didn’t save a copy that I occasionally watch for masturbatory entertainment.
NB: I wonder how many people won’t doubt the veracity of this tale because “this makes perfect sense and explains everything!” about me.