We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Letter from the Dark Continent

Dear White Man,

Hello? This is Africa, remember me? Oh, silly question, of course you do. After all, you’ve been sending me money all these years since we broke up. That’s what I want to talk about, the break up. I am so sorry about that. I know I kicked you out, called you a rapist and a lot of things were said. I want you to know it was a phase, a horrible unforgivable phase I was going through. It was the whole independence thing; I wanted to be my own person…biggest mistake ever. Turns out I really do need you.

You probably heard I got with the Black Man right? It’s a funny thing how things turn out. He was so understanding before. “Oh, he beat you? Stole from you? Used you? That horrible bastard!” That’s what he always said about you. “I’ll never do that to you baby.” He’s a better liar than you (no offense). I know you did all those things, but you gave back. You always made sure I was developing. This man on the other hand is real bastard. All he does is take, take and take some more. He doesn’t even pretend to care.

If this keeps up, no one will want me anymore. Have you seen what he did to my Rwanda? I always thought that was one of my better features. Don’t get me started on my Zimbabwe and he makes me wear that pirated crap around my Somalia. Urgh. What a bastard. He steals everything I own. I’m miserable.

I guess what im saying is, please come back! I know things are rough between us but hey…I don’t expect you to change too much. The whole putting me in chains and whipping me thing, that has to stop. A bit too freaky for me, i’m not Rihanna. But you can move back in. You can take stuff…as long as you keep bringing stuff in. I know you will, unlike some people I could mention, you understand developing your own home. Please? Can you forgive me? I need you back.

Your Lost Love,


8 responses

  1. Mmmmh, how touching.

    July 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm

  2. ken

    no! i refuse..let them stay with there development..africa is being courted by some hot Asians who will soon be balling even more out of control our ex’s! and all they ask in return in a lil communal economic, social and political loving!

    July 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    • gachagua

      Nonsense! Those are socialists…Africa is not that kind of woman

      July 24, 2011 at 2:09 pm

  3. ken

    africa doesn’t know wat sort of woman it is…it only knows its an abused woman!..and the capitalist have had their chance and failed..is africa doomed to never learn from its mistakes!..ill take beijing over D.C everytime!..freedom is such a relative term.

    July 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm

  4. gachagua

    DC for me. If im gonna be robbed anyway, i’d rather be able to complain about it without going to jail… and getting all the capitalist goodies to boot 😀 Beijing… if they were our leaders right now, i could get arrested for this post (if i could even post it without skill in hacking in the first place)

    July 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

  5. If i had to choose between Beijing and D.C. I wud choose D.C. too, but as far as being ruled by white people again…nah. If i hav to be screwed by someone i’d rather its by my own people 😀

    July 25, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    • gachagua

      So says Mr. i’m not being screwed by my own people but chilling with the DC fat cats 😀 Silence uncle Tom!

      July 28, 2011 at 7:41 am

  6. ahh you see but thats the clever bit isnt it. I said “IF i hav to be screwed…” Clearly being screwed isnt part of the plan 😀

    August 2, 2011 at 12:53 am

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