We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Of War Paint And ‘Sexy’ Wildlife

Dear women,

First of all I’d just like to start this off by saying that wars are fought by men. That’s right MEN. Call me sexist but I think that the only wars that we women should wage are against stains and germs. Amirite or amirite???

*crickets*

Anyway my point? Stop with the war paint! That’s right, war paint. Its no longer makeup anymore. Now don’t get me wrong, a little blush and eyeshadow isn’t bad at all. But there’s this new trend that was acquired from Cirque De Soleil. First of all foundation. I don’t understand it. Like I understand and sympathize deeply with all those with heavily pockmarked faces that make it UNBEARABLE to look in the mirror let alone leave the house… I’m so soooo sorry :(. Go on baby girl you put on that concealer over and over and over again but don’t question the pharmaceutical companies when you realize that your skin reacts the minute you stop applying that gunk all over your aging face… no no no that’s the price of being beautiful honey 🙂

But no that’s not my problem. My problem is the rest of you. You beautiful women who spend six hours applying war paint and managing to convince one another that clubs are now hunting grounds and your clutch purses are little arsenals. *insert inappropriately placed 8-2 joke*

But all that aside, BURE KABISA!!!!

Really? Is MacDonald’s opening a branch in Kenya I don’t know about? Are they looking for a new face? Ronald MacDonald lost his job?! IS THE PAY THAT GOOD?!?!?!!!?

*breathes de-* NO I WILL NOT BREATHE. You deserve to be told off with you painting yourself like some attention seeking Jezebel! Really you have the skin tone of dark chocolate yet you put so much of that stuff on your face. What you fail to realize that when you’re in that club looking for your next victim with the club lights and heat making you sweat that stuff makes you look like a zebra stampede is happening on that savanna you dare to call a face.

No but really 🙂 makeup is good. Necessary, even. But first you have to get serious. And also I still haven’t gotten started on the Vampire Diaries. No not the shitty series perpetuating the gayification of vampires (THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE IN LOVE THEY SHOULD BE ATTACKING PEOPLE AND DRINKING THEIR BLOOD!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!) That thing, with the lips, the red lipstick? Don’t get me wrong, I like lipstick 🙂 but that combination of zebra stripes and blood makes Nairobi clubs look like a feature on National Geographic.

BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It’s silly. Do young women really buy into those ads on TV about the whole fashion industry?! Have we failed to realize that the people advertising are, I don’t know, WHITE?!!!!!

*sigh* anyway 🙂 I’m the new writer *screams excitedly* I would talk about how I’m unworthy I am to be around here with all these other KICK ASS bloggers but this isn’t exactly a workplace so no amount of ass kissery will get me anywhere *DAMN IT!!!!* Also I have a serious problem with conclu

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4 responses

  1. *slightly inclines head* you still club in Nairobi?

    October 28, 2011 at 6:52 am

  2. LivKidula

    Considering that, i don’t know, I LIVE THERE, i think thats a pretty valid observation

    October 28, 2011 at 9:36 am

  3. Aggrey

    And I get a little closer in touch with my feminine side after the read. Good thing or bad? Only the possible increase in my contribution to make up discussions will decide.
    Welcome to the madhouse!

    October 28, 2011 at 2:52 pm

  4. No, no. I thought if you’re a day over 17 and you’re seen in a club in Nairobi you’re automatically listed as a paedo. Excuse my ignorance.

    October 30, 2011 at 1:16 pm

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