We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Why Not to Fear the Illuminati

1. They’re going to lose

Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on world domination schemes (Actually I do, but that aside) but really, who has a worse plan than the illuminati? Anyone who sits down, looks at the situation, makes a plan to take over the world and says “you know who would really help us with this? Lady gaga!” is going to fail!
I mean, its Lady-friggin-Gaga!

Poker face?

When they fail, they cant even blame her. That’s like criticizing Stevie Wonder for not maintaining eye contact.

2. They’re role models.

Part of the lineup is Jay Z, Beyonce, Rihanna and Kanye…to mention a few.
So what you’re saying is, this society ran by rich old white powerful big wigs is hiring black people and women into prominent positions? That’s a first. Something major corporations could learn from dontcha think? Holy crap, these guys just need better marketing.

Illuminati: leading the way past racism and sexism.

3. They pay well

Now, I can’t confirm this…but I hear they pay well for good PR. If someone was to write an article about how theyre not so bad and make people fear them less they are supposedly very very generous. Not that I’d know anything about that. Cough cough

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