We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

After Lunch

20min after eating and I’m desperately looking for a way out. There is no way on God’s green, brown, smoggy  and plasticky earth that I can make it through the afternoon when I’m feeling this full and satisfied. I need to get home and just be a beached whale.

Who the hell made after lunch work mandatory? The only thing I should be doing is undoing my belt, zipper, removing my shoes and lying  in my bed releasing the occasional fart as digestion goes on.

I’d be happy if I could do that in the office. Can’t the world (esp my boss) just let me stew in my own steamy fragrances without judging me as a lazy, good-for-nothing bastard? Is it so wrong that all I want to do is not think, and scratch my balls occasionally enjoying the delicious food in my belly?

If God wanted us to work all day long, why the hell did he set lunch at 1-2pm? Why did he afflict humanity with the itis immediately after a nice filling meal? Afternoon work is a perversion by man of God’s proper day plan for man. Just on religious grounds, this is vile and wrong.

I’d rise up and start a revolution to set the things back in their proper order, buuuut, I need to sneak a nap in at my desk. Maybe later.


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