Aspiring to (Dirty Old) Manhood
Why does getting older mean that you lose all touch with contemporary music? Is there some magic button in our genes that is activated when we reach a certain age?
I’d like to be able to keep up with the hipness of the wily teens running around nowadays. Mostly because I fully intend on being the creepy old guy who you call the cops on because he’s been hanging around the college and university a little too long. And when that sport gets old (or when the restraining order), I’ll be the creep feeling on the young taut butts of the coquettish ladies in the heart-stoppingly short skirts and dresses.
But to at least half-way understand them, I’ll need to be plug into their type of music so that I’m not lost after the customary greetings and squeezings. If they are freaks, I need to be initiate their crazy side with the subliminal code words embedded the hit songs of their day. I fully intend to use the acquired skill of an age to rob the cradle as much as possible, no matter how pathetic it might come across.
Secretly, all dudes want to be able to draw any and all kinds of ass at any age, but for the youngins, I need to be able to at least tolerate their undoubtedly stupid and inane, vapid, shallow nonsense that they spew because I’ll be spending a lot of time around them. And if it goes according to plan, in them too.
Or maybe I’ll just ask my kid sis to pimp her (of age) friends to me. Just cut out all the bullshit of pretending to want to know them and just confuse them with cheap drinks and BOOM! Sweet young poonani! If they’re half as gullible as her, I should be set for life.