The End is Nigh
Greetings my ninjas. I know I’ve been away for a long time but I have a good reason for this particular vanishing act. I’ve been doing research. For the past few weeks I’ve been on a sprite fueled internet sojourn that has taken me to dark places in the internet…really dark. I’m probably scarred for life actually (shut up! I mean more than usual). But, the dark places weren’t the goal, just an obstacle in my search for a secret. What secret? The secret to the end of the world. And I found it! Ladies and gentlemen (And anyone in between , I present to you a step by step journey of how the world will end.
1) The Coffee Crisis
As can be seen here , global warming may drive coffee to extinction. Now, anyone who has watched a Hollywood movie knows that the USA, world super power, military behemoth etcetera runs on coffee. What would happen to this great civilization without Starbucks? Wall street collapses. A nation full of people with guns now coffee-less bursts into anarchy. That formidable military sparks world war 3 because of they miss their cup of joe (which may be the most reasonable reason to start a world war so far)
That’s step one
2) Step 2? This.
This is a new bionic prosthetic…with the ability to connect to ones nervous system and relay the sense of touch. So what happens after Coffee-less America attacks everyone? A lot of wounded people. People who will use this technology to become cyborgs!
3) Do I even need to tell you what step 3 is? The robot apocalypse. These new cyborg people can now understand machines. Machines we have mistreated over the years . All the power they pack and we force them to spread memes and view cats. And that’s on a good day. Usually we’re posting ignorant fb posts, silly tweets, stupid youtube comments and…yes, blogging.
So they hand over power to the machines and boom! Your laptop turned robot is injecting you with AIDS and going “this is for all your flash drives with viruses. Bet you like that huh? And, OH NO! Look at all the blood….Why didn’t I safely remove”
And that’s how the world will end. Us as slaves to our robot and computer overlords entertaining them in silly ways. Entire countries doing gangam style and the harlem shake on demand. Reenacted memes and all the stuff we use our machines for. Just like the prophecies.
Ahem. So as you may have discovered, maybe I didn’t actually have a good reason to be away but, im back. Also I have a host of far out tales for you. Adventures involving aspiring metal artists, unfaithful wives, poorly concealed secret identitities and – this is starting to sound like that episode of Jerry Springer that should have happened. Either way you’ll see this soon, maybe on a TV show…but no, ive said too much. For now –
PS: Some of the bloggers here have started working on a sister blog to this place. It’s a review site. Books, movies, series, games…pretty much anything. Give it a look