We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

The Dark World of Toons

A huge part of babysitting is watching animations (Wait…is it? Ah, screw it. It is if you’re lazy). The problem with this is that I end up watching animated movies I saw as a kid. Might not seem like such a big deal but you have to keep in mind, I grew up into the type of person who writes for a blog like this. SO I end up noticing things like…

aladdin

aladdin 2

Back that thang up!

Aladdin isn’t interested if there’s any less than 3 girls – and they better know how to belly dance!

aladdin 3

Unless you know. They come with an entire kingdom (and a tiger).

But kidding aside. One of those pictures with the girls is taken out of context. The other one though is the truly interesting one. You see, Genie is showing Aladdin all the stuff he can offer him. He’s made it explicitly clear that he can’t make someone fall in love with you. And really, you don’t need a genie to know these girls aren’t exactly in this for the emotions.

aladdin 4

However, the animation that actually got me to write this post is thumbellina,  probably the darkest children’s movie of all time. Our thumb sized heroine goes through a whole lot of things.

First, she’s kidnapped by a pink haired, big busted, skimpily dressed, musician frog (Essentially the nicki minaj of the frog world).

thumbelina

To what end. This frog wants Thumbelina to marry her son (not the kind of frog who turns into a prince when kissed). She escapes before the wedding and falls into yet more trouble. At some point she’s kicked out of a party for being too ugly. She’s literally heckled by the whole place. Direct quote from one of them, “she’s so ugly she’s hurting my feelings.”

Meanwhile, the prince in the story has been stabbed and the person trying to rescue her just got frozen under the ice (Very happy story this one). She’s then saved by a field mouse who takes her to “The Mole’s” house. The mole is the filthy rich guy in the story.

mole1

Once the mouse hears her sob story and her hopes of getting back to her prince she leans in kindly and basically says, “you idiot. Why are you marrying for love. Marry for the money! That’s where it’s all at! Marry the mole.”

Just in case you think im exaggerating, here’s the direct quote (delivered in song).

“Love? Love is what you read about in books my dear. Here comes the bride- is a lovely little diddy. But marrying for love is a foolish thing to do. Coz love won’t pay the mortgage or put porridge in your bowl.”

I burst out laughing at this point. Dark for a children’s story? Very. But hey when it comes down to it Disney princesses end up marrying the richest guy in the kingdom all the time (unless you’re a stone cold player like Aladdin). This one’s just honest about its message neh? Then the song dropped these lines

“Romeo and Juliet. Were very much in love when they were wed. They honoured every vow. So where are they now? They’re DEAD! DEAD! VERY VERY DEAD!”

Well. Talk about pulling no punches. Kids need to hear this stuff straight up. If you marry for love you will die. Find yourself a rich guy. Can’t argue with that logic.

You can watch the Marry the mole song here yourself.

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