We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

One Person’s Dead Is Another Person’s Love

Do not look at me as a prophet of doom for the words I’m about to say. Rather, I reveal the deep truths that we refuse to admit even to ourselves.

SCIENCE HAS FAILED US! How you might ask? Simple. We don’t have robot sex dolls.

I would be more than justified in using this space to bemoan the pathetic state of our sciences and our scholars and our technology, but I’m just not that kind of guy. I’m the kind of guy who thinks beyond his present circumstances and tries to solve the problems that he’s presented with. And there’s only one obvious solution to this dire situation: Necrophilia.

It really is the perfect blend of human contact without the inconvenience of human interaction. Our techniques of human preservation mean that bodies can be maintained in pristine condition after death for a long time. And all it’ll take to get corpses flexible again after rigor mortis is a few strategically placed metal joints. And if you think that is impossible, think of the artificial joints surgeries all over the world that replace knees, elbows and hips. It’s only a small step to doing the same to the dead. It’ll actually be cheaper since you don’t have to worry about anaesthesia and quality of (after)life.

And for all those with petty moral concerns, GET OVER YOURSELVES! You want to deny hundreds of people the joys of having a human sex partner with no demands of their own! What kind of monsters are you!? Yes the partners might be dead, but that’s better than the nothing that those people currently have. It’s not like these corpses will be diverted from some critical function. In fact, we’d actually be using them to bring even more happiness to the world. And I’m sure that if it’s one thing our loved ones would like to know they brought to this world even after their passing, it’s happiness.

Don’t bury or cremate your loved ones. Instead, donate their body to that sexless friend or frustrated who you know could use some good lovin’. In the immortal words of Michael Jackson, you’ll be doing your part to heal the world, to make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.

 

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7 responses

  1. behinddoublelenses

    I give up!

    July 2, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    • GreyRok

      That’s exactly it. Don’t fight the logic. Just absorb the wisdom and go with it.

      July 2, 2014 at 3:04 pm

  2. Kurosaki

    wtf

    July 3, 2014 at 9:18 am

  3. Eva

    Hahaha wow :-O So sleeping with dead cold bodies may actually be warmer than it sounds!!….nah

    July 10, 2014 at 11:23 am

    • GreyRok

      Nothing a hot water bottle and plenty of blankets can’t fix. Don’t let your mind be limited by mere temperature!

      July 10, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      • Eva

        The real issue though is that when it comes to sex, I guess it’s one of the few times there’s no inconvenience with human interaction. So even if you get the corpse moving, you might as well be shagging a tree, cold isn’t limited to temperature you know!

        July 10, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      • GreyRok

        You are still limiting yourself!
        This solution doesn’t rule out you going for your living, breathing partner. This is for those too socially awkward or just too lazy to be bothered with all that jazz.
        We can live in a world with both things, not one or the other! 😀

        July 10, 2014 at 9:17 pm

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