The Bear Edge
I’ve started to lose my edge. I’m mellowing out. I’m treating people better and looking at things from their point of view. Looking at them like fellow human beings with valid feelings and emotions that I can relate to. It’s making me sick. I have been contaminated by all the humanity around me despite my best efforts. I didn’t want to do this, but I have no choice but to take drastic measures to erase this moral growth. I am getting a teddy bear.
What else can remind me of the abundant stupidity of humanity than it’s inclination to present a murderous machine of claws, teeth and death as a fluffy, cuddly children’s toy? What other reminder people’s lack of self-preservation do you need than the feelings of tenderness that arise in them and the hugs they readily dish out when they see this crude voodoo doll of a literal monster. What other species has evolved to train their young that a rough likeness of a predator is something to be cherished? Clearly mankind is social engineering its own demise when this is what our offspring are raised to adore.
But more than that, the reason a teddy bear will keep me on edge has less to do with what it symbolises and everything to do with their looks.
With their never blinking beady eyes that stare right into your soul. Their blank expressions that give no indications as to what might be going on in their wooly brains. Their ability to keep forever still, and yet to never be exactly where you left them. Night after night, they allow themselves to be held close by children and adults, never complaining about how hard they are squeezed or how roughly they are handled. Just watching. Always watching.
But I know better. I see the malice against us building up in those unblinking plastic discs they have for eyes. And the longer they wait, the more sinister and diabolical are the plans that they lay for the utter annihilation of the human species, if not the world.
“So how does getting a teddy bear help you keep your edge?” you ask with the kind of sharp wit a brick wall would look down upon.
It’s blindingly obvious. I will have one to keep my eye on. To keep me vigilant. By keeping the enemy close, I will have a constant reminder of not only the threat that comes from them, but also that mankind isn’t worth saving because it can’t see what is so glaringly self-evident. And there is no need to care for what can’t be saved. And while the teddy bear might think of me as unsuspecting prey, it’ll serve me as an early warning system for when the takeover starts. When it rises up to take my life, all I’ll have to say to it is…