There days in the month when I hate being a woman, no, it’s not the red sea days, that’s another story believe me. I’m talking about the cry-weepy days we have. The days when our hormones seem to merge and bring our self esteem down, we tend to question everything good about us; we tend to hate everything around us. Using science, I believe these days are caused by the disappointment our body is going through. These days come immediately after the ovulation period, where if you know yourself well, is the period you feel extremely irresistible to any breathing male. This period is one where the stars align to your advantage, you feel lighter, thinner, sexier, hornier. In this period, walking style changes, you swing hips more, you flaunt your cleavage, you lower your voice, even how you look at people, especially the opposite gender, changes, in other words, you announce yourself, to any male needing to mate, your body is ready for a child, so your hormones send a message to your brain, which in turn tells you to attract as much attention as possible.
So when this period passes and your body hasn’t received what it was waiting for, it goes into depression. Good feel hormones drop, leaving you feeling grumpy, unsexy, fat and like every other woman is out to get you. This is when, if you are in a relationship, you easily snap at your partner for starring at that woman. This is when you whine more about anything and everything. This is when you can swear that that piece of French fry you just had added tones of blab to your while chewing it. This is when; a woman will painfully entertain thoughts like this:
Look at that girl, she looks so good in that dress, her bum is so tight, not loose and shaky like mine, her hair is well kept, I really should go to the salon. Those heels look so good on her, why the hell did I wear my plastic flats today. Her skin looks so smooth, great, today is the day mine decides to break out, I feel like sandpaper. That manicure just looks like an advert, gosh, is that polish on my thumb chipping already. Great, just great, even my boyfriend just noticed her. Is he thinking of how he made a mistake picking me instead of her, let’s face it, they’d look great together, maybe I should just let him go to her. What, is he still looking, son of *****. F*** him, I’m standing in front of him and he’s still starring at her. F***ing b******. You know what, I don’t care, let him go if he wants to. He’ll come begging me to take him back, when he realizes I’m the most awesome woman there is. It’ll be too late for him; I’ll have moved on, I’ll be stinking rich, driving an awesome car, he’ll be leaving with her in a one bedroom apartment, in a crappy estate where people dump trash anywhere, he’ll be ‘hustling’ for meager money to support his now fat, ugly wife who bore him five kids at once. That’s what will happen if he leaves me right this second for that girl….
Ladies and gentlemen, I kid you not, this are the thoughts that go on in a woman’s mind during these times. Surprisingly, the guy in the picture wasn’t starring at the other girl. He was busy admiring the girlfriend, wondering how he got so lucky to end up with such a hot one. Women are burdened with hormones; they make us weak, vulnerable and paranoid.
Guys, if you are in a relationship, and you notice your woman suddenly start to question herself, do not condemn her, just hold her really tight, kiss her on the check and whisper to her ear how she’s the most beautiful, talented, giving person you’ve ever known, and that you feel lucky to be with her. It might not work immediately, which Is why you’ll need to repeat it a few more times before she believes you, I know, it sounds like too much work, right, but that’s what you get for dating a woman. And don’t anyone lie to you, every woman, tall, short, weak or strong, every one of them go through this cry-weepy days, some are just better at hiding it than others. On the bright side, you’ll always be our hero, if and when you notice it, and attempt to make us feel better.
Ok…this post has crossed over to the mushy side way too much. So as a comeback, here’s a fact I’m sure none of you knew. Did you know that women fart more than men, and did you know that their fart stinks more? C’mon, I know none of you knew that!
Part two coming soon ‘cry-weepy days for men’ yes, yes…they do have them!