We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Nora

The Estrogen Pool Now Open

Well well, I wonder how many of you readers live in a house with FIVE other women. No, seriously. I’m talking swimming I estrogen here!! Not to be all Lars von Tier Antichrist-ey but jeebus, women can be soooo… rrrgh!!

My days usually start with a healthy dosage of gossip, which is administered 2xevery hour and a ton of nagging on the side!! You see, I think of myself as a pretty simple human. Give me my computer rig or a good book or my iPod and I’m as good as not there! But noooo, apparently, minding your own business is a crime!! The other day I had 3 damn full grown mamaz sitting just in the next room talking about me as if I couldn’t hear them!! It’s not like I was traipsing around in the nude or making out with the watchman on the couch, no, I was just tweeting along to me ardent readers (wuv joo :*)! And they spent a whole 30 minutes analyzing how I was a social misfit and I would never get a boyfriend. Hnh, stuck one up to yuh didn’t I??

However, being gossiped and nagged isn’t really a problem for me. No, shutting down and ignoring such behavior is easier than pakaing lipbalm. But if there’s one thing I cannot STAND it’s people who do things just for the sake of irking you. No seriously spiteful women… spiteful PEOPLE are even worse than the most of the ignorant stupids of the world! Is doing something you know displeases me going to mean so much to you? Does it give you gratification to offend me?? Well, I’m sorry if you won’t get the reaction you want because honestly, such tabiaz aren’t even worth my time or attention. people acting like damn idiots!!

Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night to write this up after realizing my mother threw my dear cat out of the window. In the rain! Ach,


Hateration

So I may be a little late to the party with my first post but hehe, best for last and all that :p

I’ve read what my fellow madmen aka teh fellow bloggers have written and they do not lie. Yes, they are exactly what you read! Fred is a lazy baka, Aggrey is as perverted and disturbed as those photos he’s put up (where the fudge did he even get them?? The internet toilets??) If you haven’t somad Rigathi’s blog… eeeeh, don’t. unless you fancy yourself a penguin in the next life. Which isn’t so bad when you think about it. They’re birds with tiny brains (no offence Kev :P) and of course my twin, teh awesome Nat!! And Cassandrae who I admit I haven’t gotten to know but tutajuana tu!

Anyway, my blog isn’t about me chafuaing my fellow bloggers. Ooooh no, I aim higher (or lower if your at my POV). If there is one thing I love to do, it’s love to hate. Yes, I am one of the biggest hater you would ever see. And my biggest advantage is that I don’t really follow trends. So now that everyone is into Jason Derulo I’m like “Bleurgh!! Why would you like that Chris Brown wannabe? And to make matters worse, it’s not like CB is the best looking, best dancing or most original artist out there today.” Psssh. And just so you know, I really, reeeeaaallly hate Chris Brown.

But that’s not who I’ll hate on today. No, today the Spinning Wheel lands on *drumroll* … Black Americans. Anyone who’s following me on twitter will have seen a few random remarks I made about Blacks. Now, let me expound. To put it simply, I am your pretty basic racist. Against black Americans atleast. Ey, relax, before you get on your high horse, let me tell you that a) I don’t give two craps about your opinion. Won’t change mine anyhow. And b) let’s get on with it.

So first of all, I don’t like how all they do is whine. Oh, the white man won’t give me a job! Oh, sijui this country, sijui the government, sijui the system! Alar, kwani you think States is the only country with problems and marginalization issues! No!!! How come blacks in Britain or France or Canada or anywhere else for that manner don’t spout this type of nonsense?? In any case, it so happens there ARE successful black people, even in the Country of Stupid Fatties! And you wanna know what’s the difference? They don’t fucking fit the stereotypical “Black American” image. Barack Obama is an obvious example. Will Smith launched his career, not by rapping about his gold chains or how many people he’s popped in the hood… No, he was all about high school and homework and the most untypical of black rappers topics you could ever think! There are tons of examples but I have more hateration to get to.

Another thing about black people is their blatant ignorance. About. Everything. They’re just as bad as  rednecks! Look! If you think I’m lying, angalia this here nigga WatchJ scroll down to like the 4th tweet heh, and don’t start assuming ati the fried chicken is just a myth. Those people kula moar kuku than all the luhyas you can count! But whatever, their menu is theirs, that’s not really my problem. But when you refuse to consider your health just for a few pieces of yum yum, when unajua haujabarikiwa na a fast metabolism, hata wewe umejitafutia.

As I have been saying, if today my mum or some bad stroke of luck gave me an opportunity to go live in States (which if you haven’t guessed is not my favorite country) I would totally avoid any and all states and cities that are populated by aforementioned black people. Atlanta, Texas, Compton, Brooklyn, huko kwote, me I’m avoiding like the plague!! My most important fear, actually, is dying in a drive-by shooting. Which I think is one of the most STUPID things on the entire planet!! When will black people stop gotdamn frontin and having issues all the time enough to quit with the ‘turf’ talk! Take a lesson from the gotdamn Mafia!! Or the Russians! Jeezus, even the Mexicans run better gangs than they do! It’s all about order. And stop being pussies and killing people when they’re sleeping or walking from the grocery store. Get all up in your dude’s face and tell him “Nigga, I’m here to pop you ass” and then fucking do it. No need to involve innocent bystanders in your own hot mess!! NKTesticles ndogo!

<heavy breathing> man, I don’t know about you reader, but I am so glad I was born in this beautiful country on the motherland Africa (which even gotdamn black Americans think is one country. mscheeew) post-independence war and all. Admit it, barely half of youcould sit through the Post Elections Violence, hakuna vile tungehack story za maumau and still get time to tweet about a rave :p. So yeah, I’m fucking happy I was born in Kenya. Ai, I’d hang myself if I was in America.

And just so you know, it’s not all blacks who are ignorant, stupid, ignorant stupids or ignorant stupids with guns, there are some few people who know what they want and what is wrong with the black community. Like @MentalOrgasm. If you’re a black woman all up in a weave and sucking dick to feed your fatherless babies, follow her ass. Words of wisdom and all that. Now, let me go relax by watching my cuute wittle kitten ^__^